Archive for October, 2007
Wednesday, October 31st, 2007
LAKE FOREST, Ill. – Bears general manager Jerry Angelo met with the media Wednesday at Halas Hall to discuss his team's performance during the first half of the season:
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Wednesday, October 31st, 2007
LAKE FOREST, Ill. – Bears general manager Jerry Angelo met with the media Wednesday at Halas Hall to discuss his team's performance during the first half of the season:
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Wednesday, October 31st, 2007
LAKE FOREST, Ill. – There are several reasons the Bears have stumbled to a 3-5 record, but there is no greater culprit than turnovers.
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Tuesday, October 30th, 2007
LAKE FOREST, Ill. - The Walter Payton Highlight Tailgate Party is being held from 7-11 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 1 at The Walter Payton Roundhouse Complex in Aurora.
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Tuesday, October 30th, 2007
LAKE FOREST, Ill. - Bears tight end Greg Olsen is one of five finalists for the Diet Pepsi NFL rookie of the week. Fans can vote for the award through Friday at http://www.nfl.com/partner?partnerType=rookies .
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Tuesday, October 30th, 2007
Every Tuesday morning, I wake up an hour early so that I can sit on the floor of my shower and meditate on the current state of the NFL until the water runs cold. This morning, through the power of prayer, the following rankings were revealed to me:
1. New England Patriots (8-0): The toughest dilemma facing ESPN this week is whether to overhype the Pats v. Colts match-up as a rematch of last year?s AFC title game or a prematch of this year?s AFC title game.
2. Indianapolis Colts (7-0): One thing is for certain: This game is going to be more hyped than Creed vs. Drago. They should dig up James Brown?s corpse to sing Livin? in America at halftime. Hell, they dug up the damn Gipper, it?s the least they can do.
Super Bowl 41.5 needs a halftime show,
and the Godfather ain?t doin? shit Sunday.
3. Dallas Cowboys (6-1): Random Bye-Week Designation: Because of its unique classification as a parasitic arachnid, the tick is hereby designated God?s least endearing creation. Patrick Warburton not withstanding.
4. Pittsburgh Steelers (5-2): The league?s got balls to try passing this off as some kind of rivalry. The Steelers busted in like O.J.?s posse and forced the Bengals to roll over like a couple of honky memorabilia junkies.
5. Green Bay Packers (6-1): Inside the Mind of Favre: ?Okay, we won the toss in overtime, so I?ll just chuck this over there aaaaand we?re going home. Now where?s Deanna? I should be able to spot her forehead from here.?
All Brett?s girls fall in the Chmura zone.
6. New York Giants (6-2): Eli, you are my little gentleman. I?ll take you to foggy London town.
7. Jacksonville Jaguars (5-2): Florida bragging rights go to Jacksonville, which proved once and for once that it is superior to TampaBay.
8. Tennessee Titans (5-2): Voung threw for 42 damn yards and still helped his team pull out the win. After a game like that, how tempted do you think he is to tell his critics, ?You can Wonderlic my balls, cap-E-tan.?
9. Baltimore Ravens (4-3): Random Bye-Week Cultural Insight: The term ?henoko,? a Japanese slang word for penis, literally means ?strange mushroom.?
10. Detroit Lions (5-2): I?d like to bust Matt Millen?s butt, but I can?t. I got another problem here. I gotta do something here, I still can?t believe. I gotta give you your dream shot. I?m gonna send you up among the best. You Detroit Lions?are going to Top Ten.
Griese lost it. Turned in his wings.
11. San Diego Chargers (4-3): These are the Chargers we?re used to seeing. What I am not used to seeing and what I will never be used to seeing is political stumping by friggin? Julius Benedict. ?Tank you for da coin. I look forward to tossing it.?
12. Kansas City Chiefs (4-3): Random Bye-Week Fictional Conversation Involving the California Governor?s Office:
Fire Chief: Mr. Governor, the fires are encroaching even further! What should we do?!
Governor Hauser: Get your ass to Mars.
13. Washington Redskins (4-3): That was just like Cowboys against Indians. Only if the cowboys wore tri-cornered hats and powdered wigs and talked like a bunch of limey gays.
14. Carolina Panthers (4-3): That was just like Cowboys against Indians. Only it was Panthers, not Indians, getting slapped around on their home turf.
15. Seattle Seahawks (4-3): Random Bye-Week MMA talk: Anderson Silva is a real-life Tekken character. If I had to fight that guy, and eye-gouging was disallowed, I would probably last about eight seconds. Throw in the eye-gouging and it?s plus-or-minus three seconds.
16. TampaBay Buccaneers (4-4): The last time Jeff Garcia got picked three times in an afternoon he was up for bids in a beefcake auction.
17. Cleveland Browns (4-3): After the Browns cut Charlie Frye, they penciled in Derek Anderson for a handful of stopgap starts while Brady Quinn got ready and the team got pummeled. Six games later, he trails only Tom Brady in touchdowns. Plus he looks like Andres Nocioni in shoulder pads, so he?s got that going for him.
18. Denver Broncos (3-4):Way too many penalties for a Monday Night game. The ref got more screen time than Fred Claus.
19. Arizona Cardinals (3-4): Random Bye-Week Preview of Coming Attractions: Fred Claus: Unfunny Wedding Crashers for Kids.
20. New Orleans Saints (3-4): You gotta hand it to the Saints. They know how to beat the weak.
21. Philadelphia Eagles (3-4): Following a loss to the Bears that raised some doubt about their ability to do so, the Eagles proved that they can still beat a bad team.
22. Buffalo Bills (3-4): With no remaining games against the Jets, the Bills can begin looking forward to an 0-and-9 finish.
23. Houston Texans (3-5): Even for a punter, Turk?s whiff smacked of a high degree of puss.
24. Chicago Bears (3-5): I don?t want to talk about it.
25. San Francisco 49ers (2-5): You know your team is bad when Ashley Lelie is seeing the field.
Yeah, he?d start for the Bears.
26. Cincinnati Bengals (2-5): The Bengals had a chance to climb to within a game of the division-leading Pittsburgh Steelers. Sadly, to do so would have required that they not get their collective ass tied shut and handed to them by said Pittsburgh Steelers.
27. Oakland Raiders (2-5): The Raiders held the opposing quarterback to 42 yards and still lost. Somebody should tell Lane Kiffin that ?Stacking the Box? isn?t just a sex act involving Jenga tiles.
28. Minnesota Vikings (2-5): One quick look at the Vikings roster, and I?m on my knees giving thanks for Griessmanton.
29. New York Jets (1-7): Forget Kellen Clemens. It?s Matt Ryan time for the Jets.
30. Atlanta Falcons (1-6): Random Bye-Week Person I Hate: Steve Alford.
31. St. Louis Rams (0-8): Richie Incognito left the game in the first half after sustaining another knee injury. He was replaced by third-year guard, Randy Camouflage.
32: Miami Dolphins (0-8): It seems strange to market the league abroad by allowing patrons to feast their eyes upon its worst product. Imagine trying to improve the overseas image of Hollywood by sending Dane Cook and Tara Reid as ambassadors.
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Tuesday, October 30th, 2007
CHICAGO – Their ultimate destination remains the same as it was heading into the season, but after a 3-5 start, the Bears will have to traverse a steep uphill path to get there.
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Monday, October 29th, 2007
LAKE FOREST, Ill. – One day after Brian Urlacher told FOX Sports that he has been suffering from a painful back injury since training camp, coach Lovie Smith addressed the All-Pro middle linebacker's situation Monday with Chicago media.
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Monday, October 29th, 2007
LAKE FOREST, Ill. – Like an old car on a frigid winter morning, the Bears offense generally takes a long time to warm up before eventually sputtering out of the driveway.
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Monday, October 29th, 2007
CHICAGO – With whispers and rumors swirling about his health, Bears middle linebacker Brian Urlacher told FOX Sports Sunday that he has been dealing with a painful back injury all season.
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