Archive for November, 2007
Friday, November 30th, 2007
LAKE FOREST, Ill. – Running back Garrett Wolfe hasn't been much of a factor 11 games into his rookie season, but that could begin to change Sunday when the Bears host the New York Giants.
Posted in Chicago Bears News Blog | Comments Off
Friday, November 30th, 2007
LAKE FOREST, Ill. – They'll never be on the field together, but Sunday's game between the Bears and New York Giants will feature a friendly rivalry between the team's defensive ends.
Posted in Chicago Bears News Blog | Comments Off
Thursday, November 29th, 2007
LAKE FOREST, Ill. – Bears defensive end Adewale Ogunleye is having an easier time getting to quarterbacks than explaining how he's been able to register six sacks in the last four games.
Posted in Chicago Bears News Blog | Comments Off
Thursday, November 29th, 2007
LAKE FOREST, Ill. – Unlike some of his counterparts who divulged their plans in advance, New York Giants coach Tom Coughlin isn't saying whether his team will kick to Devin Hester Sunday at Soldier Field.
Posted in Chicago Bears News Blog | Comments Off
Thursday, November 29th, 2007
LAKE FOREST, Ill. – After missing the last eight games with a groin injury, cornerback Nate Vasher hopes to return to action Sunday when the Bears host the New York Giants.
Posted in Chicago Bears News Blog | Comments Off
Wednesday, November 28th, 2007
LAKE FOREST, Ill. – Anthony Adams doesn't exactly have fond memories of trying to tackle running back Adrian Peterson during a 2005 game between the Bears and San Francisco 49ers at Soldier Field.
Posted in Chicago Bears News Blog | Comments Off
Wednesday, November 28th, 2007
LAKE FOREST, Ill. – In time for the holiday season, the Chicago Bears have teamed up with Blackhawk Network to produce the franchise's first ever gift card program.
Posted in Chicago Bears News Blog | Comments Off
Wednesday, November 28th, 2007
LAKE FOREST, Ill. – Staley, the official mascot of the Chicago Bears, and Chicago Bears staff will visit Glenbard North High School (990 Kuhn Rd.) in Carol Stream on Thursday to host a DuPage Valley Conference mascot clinic.
Posted in Chicago Bears News Blog | Comments Off
Tuesday, November 27th, 2007
LAKE FOREST, Ill. – Plagued by drops and general ineffectiveness, the Bears passing game sprung to life in the nick of time in Sunday's 37-34 overtime win over the Denver Broncos.
Posted in Chicago Bears News Blog | Comments Off
Tuesday, November 27th, 2007
Every Tuesday morning, I wake up an hour early so that I can sit on the floor of my shower and meditate on the current state of the NFL until the water runs cold. This morning, through the power of prayer, the following rankings were revealed to me:
1. New England Patriots (11-0): Being 10-0 is like being the fat kid in a game of dodgeball. Everybody's gunnin' for ya.
2. Dallas Cowboys (10-1): That was the worst Thanksgiving blowout this side of the Madden Cruiser.
"Hey! That's why it's got more toilets than wheels!"
3. Indianapolis Colts (9-2): Few people realize that the Colts trailed Atlanta in this game because few people realize that there is something called the NFL Network.
4. Green Bay Packers (10-1): Tony Romo and Brett Favre will finally square off to determine once and for all who is more similar to Brett Favre.
5. Jacksonville Jaguars (8-3): David Garrard has thrown exactly zero interceptions this season. A full suit of armor couldn't provide you with better ball protection.
6. Pittsburgh Steelers (8-3): Pittsburgh's Heinz field was sloppier than Teresa Heinz' bush.
7. New York Giants (7-4): Giants fans had been waiting for a signature 4-TD game from Eli. Next time, it'd be nice if he threw more than one of them to his own team.
8. Cleveland Browns (7-4): The Browns are a slightly inflated #8 this week because I'm a sucker for the throwback numbers on the helmets. They look cool and they minimize the potential for sideline confusion. It's win-win.
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (7-4): Are you kidding me? Jeff Garcia left the game with a back injury? In other words, he got brokeback mounted by Joe Gibbs' penetrating defensive unit? I tell ya. Every once in a while, this shit writes itself.
10. Tennessee Titans (6-5): Congratulations to Jeff Fisher, recipient of the Roy Horn award for being mauled by a heretofore tame tiger.
11.Seattle Seahawks (7-4): If Patrick Kerney keeps it up, he could become the most famous Kerney of all.
"What about me and my son?"
12. San Diego Chargers (6-5): Phrivers looks for Gates more than the justice department.
13. Detroit Lions (6-5): You've been Favred.
14. Houston Texans (5-6): You've been Dandersoned.
15. Washington Redskins (5-6): Sean Taylor was a rare NFL player in that he appeared to be genuinely interested in making the metamorphosis from sleazy scumbag to solid citizen. Now it seems the details of his demise are sketchier than a Dr. Katz cartoon and everything seems to point to some ironic American History X style twist in which a checkered past catches up to a reformed man. Sad story.
16. Arizona Cardinals (5-6): Playing in overtime is like jonesing for weed. One well-timed sack and it's over.
17. Denver Broncos (5-6): The Denver Broncos became the latest team to receive an emergency Hesterectomy.
18. Philadelphia Eagles (5-6): When the temperature in his snowsuit approaches 130 degrees, Andy Reid becomes Andy Red.
It starts round the waddle and works its way past the 'stache.
19. Buffalo Bills (5-6): With no quarterback and no running back, the Bills' offense has become increasingly reliant upon Roscoe "P. Cole" Parrish.
20. New Orleans Saints (5-6): For sixty minutes, Sean Payton beat, pounded, and otherwise mauled the Carolina Pussies. Seems he's gotta little Marv Albert in him.
21. Chicago Bears (5-6): The Bears receivers were responsible for more drops than a Sucrets factory.
22. Minnesota Vikings (5-6): Vikings' owner Ziggy Wilf ran down the sideline during one of three interceptions returned for a touchdown. Glad you're enjoying yourself, Krauty Von Deutschenschtein.
23. Kansas City Chiefs (4-7): Play for the tie at home, the win on the road. Coach Hermwards, agree or strongly agree?
24. Cincinnati Bengals (4-7): For three glorious hours, the Bengals were who we thought they were.
25. Carolina Panthers (4-7): Steve Smith had one carry and led the team in rushing. As a Panther fan, you almost have to laugh through your vomit.
26. Baltimore Ravens (4-7): Five straight L's? Sounds like the peak of a houseparty.
27. Atlanta Falcons (3-8): The Falcons had a 19-play, 8-minute drive, converting two 4th downs along the way, and still had to settle for a 34-yard field goal. Reminds me of the old Vincent Vega where you take a girl out, win a dance contest, save her life, and still have to jerk off at the end of the night.
28. New York Jets (2-9): It's one thing to get routed on Thanksgiving Day, but by a possible romosexual?
29. Oakland Raiders (3-8): The Raiders need a new face behind that old logo, and I can only think of one man who's man enough for the job.
Snake! I thought you were dead.
30. San Francisco 49ers (3-8): When he's not recovering game-winning fumbles, Tully Banta-Cain gives backrides to Tuskan Raiders.
31. St. Louis Rams (2-9): On 4th-and-Goal from the one, down four with seconds to play, Gus Frerotte took the snap and promptly put it on the turf. It's like setting up a winning shot in nine-ball, then hitting a horrible miscue. Only, your miscue didn't just cost thousands of gamblers their lives.
32: Miami Dolphins (0-11): That game was so boring, I thought Dierdorf was back in the booth.
Posted in Chicago Bears News Blog | Comments Off
